10 Signs You’re Being Too Nice

There is a fine line between being nice, and being TOO nice. I have developed a list of things that tend to happen when you cross the line to step into the too nice realm.

1. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “sorry” to someone who has shoulder checked me because they weren’t paying attention while they were walking. Saying sorry is a way of admitting you did something wrong. I will never forget one of my professors in college lectured us on the matter. She explained that you shouldn’t ever apologize for the little things or things that are beyond your control. You make yourself look guilty and that resonates with the person you are apologizing too. Chances are, if you are an apologizing addict, then you’ve been called out on it before. Let me guess, you apologized for apologizing?

sorry-card

2. You work WAY too much. I get it, some people are workaholics. I know I am. You burn yourself out at work: volunteering for extra shifts, covering for other people, taking on way too many tasks, etc. The problem is that you load so much on to that little plate of yours, that you can’t keep up. Next thing you know you’re pulling an all-nighter with 18 cups off coffee and 20 lines of cocaine. And come on you’re better than that, you know that much coffee is bad for you!

3. You have stalkers. You have this “too nice” aura about you. Everybody wants to talk to you, particularly the creepy weird people. It would be rude not to talk back, right? Next thing you know your BFFs with an ex-inmate who has tear drops tattooed all down his face.

4. Your trust-o-meter is broken. You trust EVERYBODY. Hmm today I think i’ll leave my car and house unlocked. My purse is sitting in the driver’s seat with hundred dolla dolla bills sticking out of it. But that’s okay… No one will steal it.

5. You’re new shirt bears a striking resemblance to a doormat. Let’s face it, people walk all over you. They know you will do whatever they ask you to do, so they take full advantage of that.

doormat

6. You never ask for help. Sure, people can ask you for favors all the time. But when it comes to you asking for a favor in return? Forget about it! You think you can handle everything on your own, and then you end up a big stress ball.

7. Making a decision is by far one of the hardest tasks. Where do you want to eat? I don’t care.. where do you want to eat? I asked you first! My god, try having this conversation with two indecisive people. You’re too nice so you don’t want to pick something that the other person might not like. You will probably eat something you hate if they suggest it, because you don’t want to feel bad for telling them you don’t like it.

8. You might as well change your name to Dr. Phil. There is no better listener out there than you. You can listen to people bitch about their lives all day. At the same time, you feel bad when you complain about anything. You don’t want to burden others with your problems, so you keep them to yourself.

9. You are awkward with compliments. God forbid somebody tells you that you look nice or they like your outfit. You don’t want to deny it, because you know how annoying it is when you have to consistently reinforce a compliment you give to someone else. You don’t want to say thanks because then you’re accepting what they are saying, and that would be vain.

10. Forget about getting someone to like you. Generally speaking, people are attracted to assholes. Nice guys (and girls) often finish last. I’m a true believer that you have to be a smartass to hook somebody. Instead, you are way too nice, so you end up talking to the creep at the bar all night long (you feel bad walking away, naturally) while all the stud muffins pair up with bitches.

I would rather be too nice than be a beyotch. But at the same time, us nice folk have to figure out when we are being TOO nice. We aren’t doormats and we shouldn’t be treated like one. Sometimes you have to be a hard ass to get what you want in life.

“The difference is too nice – Where ends the virtue or begins the vice.” – Alexander Pope

Taking My Own Advice

For the past few weeks I’ve been a mix of emotions. I have been stressed, nervous, excited, scared, sad, happy, you name it! Every time I go to write a blog, I just sit there and stare at blank screen (talk about productivity at its finest). I have so much to write, but couldn’t seem to get my thoughts out. I’m a college graduate now, and I can’t even write a blog. What is wrong with me?!

But, alas, I found some saving grace. Last night I finally had the opportunity to meet Kristin Stith (I emphasize the finally because between our two crazy schedules it was like trying to set up a meeting between Lil’ Wayne and the President of the United States). Kristin, who is equally as cool as Lil’ Wayne, is a graduate student at the University of Nevada. We first connected via social media and knew we had to meet each other. We have a lot in common in that social media has done wonders for the both of us, and not to mention she is from So Cal, where I am moving in a few short weeks. While we were eating our delicious gnocchi and baby octopus (yeah… that was my first reaction too) at Campo, I was soaking up all the wisdom and knowledge she could give me.

It was at dinner that I realized I need to start taking my own advice. Here I am, freaking out about moving to a new place, leaving a job I absolutely love, and entering a whole new type of career. If I was another person giving me advice, I’d probably slap myself for being such a sissy.

Of course, it is scary to pick up and move from the place you have lived your entire life. I will undoubtedly miss my friends and family, and I’ll even miss this Biggest Little City too. However, I know that the changes I am about to make will open the doors to something great. For some people, coasting through life doing the same thing day after day is a perfectly fine way of living. For others, life involves risk-taking and dedication to move forward and upward. To each their own, but for me, I’m more of the latter.

I spent four years of my college career working my way through school at a huge company, climbing the corporate ladder and playing it “safe.” I worked hard, I got promotions, and I did whatever I could to make the management happy. A light bulb came on for me when I studied abroad in Spain last year. For five months I lived off savings and loans, traveled my heart out, and met the most amazing people. When I came back to the states, I went back to work within a week, and it was like I never left. Except this time around, I knew I needed to make some changes. I wasn’t passionate about my work; I was just going through the cycle. About 9 months ago, I found an opportunity to work for the company I am with now, and my life was changed once again. Never did I think I could work for a place with so much unity and purpose. Although I am leaving them to follow my own passion, I will take away so much from the experience I have had here.

Decisions aren’t always easy to make. Let’s face it, life isn’t always easy in general. But the hardest decisions and the most difficult obstacles create a feeling of accomplishment that no easy task can give you. From here on out, I’m going to take a piece of my own advice. I’ll stop wondering what if things go not-so-according-to-plan, and instead look forward to what will happen if I put my mind to it and follow my dreams. I hope you will follow along for my journey, as I write about my move, my new job, and anything else I can conjure up a blog about.

“To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.” – Wilson Mizner

Sticks and Stones Have Nothin’ on Words

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. That’s a load of crap if I’ve ever heard one. We all have been in situations where people say hurtful things. This phrase suggests that we should just brush off insults because we are strong, confident individuals and we don’t care what people think, right?

In reality, we should try to learn and grow from anything others say about us. It’s true, sometimes people say nasty things with no basis at all, other than being just plain mean (you tell ‘em Taylor Swift). But often, we can learn a lot from what people say. There are different kinds of insults I have experienced in my day:

The Haterade influenced insult – Like I said, sometimes people are just not nice. I’m a strong believer that when people are insecure, they tend to bring others down. So what can you learn about yourself from a random insult that someone gives you? Well, a lot. First thing is first, process the insult. If someone calls you stupid, and you are doing something stupid, then you should probably reassess your situation. Now if they call you stupid while youre sitting in a classroom learning about quantum physics, they should probably reassess their situation. Regardless, you can still learn about yourself in the way you react to the situation. Don’t get defensive and throw some punches when someone insults you. Put on your big boy pants and take it like a champ.

The “I’m not trying to be rude” but…  insult – Don’t you love when people preface their insults like that? Yeah, me neither. These insults are generally intended to be constructive criticism, but they lack the constructive aspect. The key is to not get offended by the way in which they tell you this information. For example, someone might say, “I don’t mean to be rude, but you stink.” So instead of crying, take a shower perhaps. Tears won’t clean your smelliness away.

The constructive criticism insult – Okay, so here is where you need to decide if you are being a sissy or not. Often times in our life we get criticism about ourselves that we may not agree with. People have different opinions, and it can be an amazing eye-opener to get insight into what people think about you. Hey, maybe you think you are God’s gift to earth, and everybody else thinks you are an arrogant jerk. In this case you should jog backwards for a few minutes until you cross back over that line between confidence and cockiness. Unless you’re into that whole “being lonely forever” thing, then keep caring about yourself more than anything around you. Taking constructive criticism and learning to deviate from our norms in order to better ourselves, is a key to gaining success in whatever you do.

 

Sticks and stones can break our bones, and words will just break down our spirit. We have to be confident enough in ourselves to take insults in the best way possible. Either we take the advice of the person who has said hurtful things, or we build our characters by being the bigger person. There is no need to get all depressed and lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life. Instead, learn to make yourself better at every opportunity you get.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it. – Wilson Mizner

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