10 Steps to Becoming the Worst Traveler Possible

As I stated in my previous couple of blogs, I just spent 6 days in Washington DC. It inspired me to write a blog about traveling, since everyone seems to do it at least once in their lifetime. Whether you are going for a business trip, taking a road trip with friends for the weekend, or even visiting another country, there are things you need to know.

I have traveled quite a bit in recent years, including a semester abroad last spring in Alicante, Spain (Check out my Spain blog here). You always have to be wary of who you decide to take trips with, in order to make them the least painful possible. I have been fortunate enough to have some great travel buddies, who have made my trips quite enjoyable!

Washington DC
Rome, Italy
Alicante, Spain

Seeing as I have had the greatest travelers by my side, and some not so great ones, I am basically an expert. In order to share my expertise with you fortunate readers, I have devised a list of things you should do if you want to be the most miserable and hated travel buddy ever.

  1. Don’t be open to possibilities. You definitely shouldn’t take the chance to hear what anyone else says about anything. They heard about a great restaurant they really wanted to try while in a new place? Forget it! They want to see a monument they’ve waited their whole life to see? Nope! This is your trip, they are just along for the ride.
  2. Complain as much as possible. OMG how much walking are we going to do? It’s hot out here. This hotel is terrible. I’m hungry. Are we there yet? You get the point. Keep the complaints flowing, only stopping to take short breaths of air, if necessary.
  3. Rain on everybody’s parade. So what, your travel buddy thinks the world’s largest peanut monument (this exists, really) is the coolest thing since sliced bread! Make sure to do everything possible to make him or her think it is the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen, no need to bite your tongue out of politeness.
  4. Don’t pay for anything. Generally on trips people split cab rides or food, take turns, or somehow figure it out to where the cash flow evens out a bit. Splitting costs is for the birds! Just make sure to practice your “I must have forgotten my wallet!” routine.
  5. Bring a screaming baby. That’s everyone’s favorite thing on a plane. If you are a screaming baby, you’re automatically the worst travel buddy in the world. Grow up kid.
  6. Pick fights with everybody you’re traveling with. You like confrontation? Perfect. When you are stuck in close quarters with people for an extended period of time, it is a good idea to take jabs at them. Yell at your travel buddies for everything under the sun (taking too long brushing their teeth, needing to use the restroom, stopping to take a picture, etc.), and always act pissed off and annoyed. Give it that extra oomph by sighing and rolling your eyes every few minutes.
  7. Since you are better than anyone who ever lived, make it known. Pull a Barbara Streisand and make sure to call the hotel (even better, force your travel partner do it) and request rose petals on the toilet seat and 120 designer peach-colored towels. Pinkies out, noses up, you’re a travel princess… act like it.
  8. Be a know-it-all. You’ve never been to London, but your sister’s cousin’s nephew twice removed once shook the hand of the queen’s maid. Therefore, you know everything about London. Who needs a tour guide when you can give your made-up commentary throughout the entire trip? Your friends will love you.
  9. Don’t eat any of the food. A lot of people are picky eaters, but you take the cake for the pickiest. Who cares if you are in a country that doesn’t support eating beef, order it anyways! The looks they give you will be strictly out of love, and if they kick you out of the restaurant it’s only because you are too good for it.
  10. Be that obnoxious ignorant traveler. Culture? What’s that? Make it a point to cause a scene everywhere you go. If you’re in a foreign country, definitely make every attempt to speak as loudly as possible with your oh-so-beautiful American accent. Run into someone who doesn’t speak English, but you’re in their native country? They like it when you yell at them in English because you think they will understand it better that way. Do that.

These are just some of the ways to be absolutely annoying while traveling. Please comment and let me know what your biggest travel pet peeve is so we can add it to the list!

Disclaimer: If you really do any of these things, do yourself and the world a favor… don’t travel! Otherwise you better learn to open up and be willing to try new things. If you stop worrying so much it will make the experience that much better, traveling is a wonderful thing.

 “A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.” – John Steinbeck

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15 thoughts on “10 Steps to Becoming the Worst Traveler Possible

  1. Don’t forget to sign up for every canned tour possible and insist that your travelers do the same.

    Ooh, and insist on getting photos of everyone at all the obvious photo-op moments, No need to take it all in, just make sure you get it documented.

  2. Hahaha, oh my. These reasons are exactly why I ended up with a group of guys during my history tour in high school, cause they wouldn’t complain, etc. The girls would be raving about how cold it was and not laugh at themselves when they’d slip on ice in Boston (and we’re from California. :P) Great post 🙂

  3. I like this post… I feel that I have become very selective of whom I will travel with, just because I can’t stand it when people are not open to exploring and checking out new things.

  4. I have my own travel crew and we are always in sync on everything we do. It’s great! But New Orleans trip 2010, they brought along someone new….never again. Everywhere we went she would ask the question, Do you want to split that? Anytime we went out to eat, drove me mad. We would split something then she would short you on the bill and not tip. Among other annoying tendencies that was her worst. Upside….every time my travel crew is together now at a restaurant, we always ask, hey you wanna split that? Fun Blog post, I enjoyed and can relate!!

    • I’m glad you enjoyed the blog! Thanks for sharing your story. At least you can make an inside joke out of something that wasn’t such a great experience! We have to laugh at the little things right?

    • Glad it gave you a laugh! I think anyone who has traveled has experienced some of things at least once or twice… at least it makes for good stories!

      Thanks for the comment.

  5. I like to make my friends all dress up in the same bright color and follow my American flag everywhere we go. Even if it’s to Target. Wait, is that wrong?

    • It’s not wrong when you’re the worst traveler ever! American flags everywhere are a must. I recommend putting red white and blue ribbons in your hair and singing the national anthem as well.

      Thanks for the comment 🙂

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